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	<title>Daniel Stutzbach &#187; humor</title>
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		<title>Field Reports from Tatooine for @darthvader</title>
		<link>http://www.barsoom.org/field-reports-from-tatooine</link>
		<comments>http://www.barsoom.org/field-reports-from-tatooine#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 02 Feb 2010 18:58:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Daniel Stutzbach</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[poker]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Star Wars]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.barsoom.org/?p=832</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>I have to wonder how Darth Vader felt upon reading the field reports from the stormtroopers on Tatooine in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. Days 5 and 6 must have throw him for a loop.</p> <p>Day 1: Located droid parts near an escape pod, and two sets of tracks leading away from the <p style="font-family: serif;">Continue reading &#8220;<a href="http://www.barsoom.org/field-reports-from-tatooine">Field Reports from Tatooine for @darthvader</a>&#8221;</p>]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I have to wonder how Darth Vader felt upon reading the field reports from the stormtroopers on Tatooine in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.  Days 5 and 6 must have throw him for a loop.</p>
<p>Day 1: Located droid parts near an escape pod, and two sets of tracks leading away from the pod.  The tracks appear to be from an astromech droid and a bipedal droid.  Based on the gait, the bipedal droid is likely a protocol droid.</p>
<p>Day 2: The tracks split up.  The astromech's tracks lead off into the wilderness, while the bipedal's head roughly for Mos Eisley.  A droid specializing in communications is more suited as a spy, so we're following its tracks first.  Probably the astromech has a loose wire.</p>
<p>Day 3: The bipedal's tracks intersect with a Jawa sandcrawler, then vanish.  It will be easy to catch up with the sandcrawler later, so we're backtracking to pursue the astromech's tracks before they fade beneath the shifting dunes.</p>
<p>Day 4: The astromech's tracks lead into rocky terrain, then vanish in an area covered with Jawa footprints.  Returning to pursue the sandcrawler.</p>
<p>Day 5: Located and stopped the sandcrawler.  Examination of the Jawas' financial records indicates they recently captured an astromech droid and a protocol droid wandering the desert with numbers R2D2 and C3PO, respectively.  The Jawas promptly sold the droids to a moisture farmer named Owen Lars.  Slaughtered the Jawa's and framed the indigenous Tusken raiders.  </p>
<p>Day 6: Raided the Lars homestead.  Under interrogation, Owen and Beru Lars revealed that after purchasing the droids, they learned that R2D2 claimed to be the property of an "Obi-wan Kenobi".  Under further interrogation, Owen revealed that "Obi-wan Kenobi" is another name for a local named "Old Ben Kenobi" who he alternately described as a "wizard" and "a crazy old man".  They sent their nephew, Luke Skywaker to Anchorhead to have the droids' memories erased.  Put Owen and Beru to death for dealing in stolen goods.</p>
<p>Day 7: Encountered a protocol droid and an astromech droid traveling with two men, one young and one old, but we're sure they were not the droids we're looking for.  Later, a bounty hunter spotted R2D2 and C3PO boarding a YT-1300 light freighter named the Millennium Falcon.  Dispatched a squad to seize the ship, but encountered heavy return fire and the ship was able to take off.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.barsoom.org/field-reports-from-tatooine/droids-hindsight-starwars-motivational1" rel="attachment wp-att-834"><img src="http://www.barsoom.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/droids-hindsight-starwars-motivational1.jpg" alt="Hindsight: Those really were the droids you were looking for." title="droids-hindsight-starwars-motivational" width="500" height="366" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-834" /></a></p>
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